Michael Burns and the World of Madness

True Information

Government / Politics

American Laws that are on file:
1882 – Xenophobia, Congress passes a bill no Chinese are allowed to enter the US and the ones here can not become a citizen.
1917 – 1924 Congress passes a bill that sets quotas on immigrants coming into this country.
1952 - quotas from African countries and asian countries are limited to 100 each
1965 – congress tries to undo many racist policies of the past, immigrations jump from 178,000 to over 700,000 and illegal immigrants skyrocketed.
1986 – 1st time congress makes it illegal to hire illegal immigrants
2001 – Terrorism changes everything, step aside here comes the Patriot Act, now immigrations services fall under guess who Homeland Security

Presidents:
Ronald Ragan, this first announcing Chicago Cubs game on the radio.

Nixon, was the first president to create an all volunteer military, but he also got the people for three years while in his presidency.

Election specials, 1964, Pres. Johnson, TV advertising shows a girl standing in a field with a nuclear explosion behind her then says vote for Pres. Johnson on November 3 the stakes are too high for this debacle.

Lyndon Johnson, head Secret Service keep his brother in house arrest at White House because he used to get drunk and talk to reporters.

Presidential disability, president Taft had a dented skull, Jefferson boils on his butt, Madison frostbite scar on his nose, Jackson excessive drool of the child, Buren doubt, Harrison severe rash on his hands, and James Buchanan nearsighted in one eye farsighted in the other, Lincoln chronic constipation.

US Vice Presidents:
Garner once said, “isn’t worth a pitcher of warm piss”
Arthur – ran a corrupt spoils system for thousands of payroll employees
Wallace – Used government $$ for his personal Guru to go to Asia to see if their was evidence of Christ being their.
Rufus – Was sworn in – in Cuba, while he was attending a hospital for tuberculousis and alcoholism.  Rumor has it that he was also a homosexual and his boyfriend / roommate for several years was Pres Buchanan.
Johnson – Bragged often about his three mistresses which also was his slaves, 1st one ran away he caught he and sold her oh and had 2 daughters with her, second one tried to run off with a Indian Chief, and the third was the second ones sister.
Burr – Wanted to over throw the government and also take over Mexico, he was tried but not convicted because he didn’t commit the act of treason “””YET””””. 
Andrew Johnson – sworn in drunk
John Cabell – Was tried for treason and was convicted, he ran away to Cuba, Canada, Europe, and the Middle East.
Agnew – Justice Department busted him for extortion and forced him to resign.  Oh and he had to back pay over $150,000 in taxes.

Other information:

How did the Pentagon support our troops in 2007?  Soldiers discharged early because of battlefield injuries had to repay their enlistment bonus.  Sent the longest serving National Guard unit home after 729 days of combat in Iraq, one day shy of the 730 that the soldiers needed to qualify for educational benefits. Denied medical benefits to 22,000 veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome by discharging them for having enlisted with pre-existing personality disorder.

Countries trying to become Independent;
Greenland but they just can’t afford it yet
Alaska has been trying since 1958
Australlia, Somaliland, Gibraltar, Vermont,Easter Island, Abkhazia, and Aruba

You got to love countries and their taxes
1795 England – wig powder tax
1935 Alabama’s – 10 cent tax on playing cards
1986 West Virginia – Sparkler and Novelty registration fee
2004 Arkansas – Body modification tax
20 States in the US – Illegal drug tax

King Edward I was the first anti-coal activist in the 14th century. If you use coal you would be busted under penalty of law in 1306 and the penalty was death.

Science
1232 Chinese used rocket arrows against an army
1920 newspapers ridiculed scientist Robert Goddard for suggesting there was possible to send a rocket to the moon. New York Times said he seems to lack the knowledge. 50 years later the New York Times apologized.
1957 so we being launched Sputnik, every 96 minutes it passed over America they said because of the signal being sent out in the open American garage doors.
1958 Russia sends the first animal into space, stray dog, died just after liftoff.
1961 America sends a chimp into space that lasted for 16 minutes, once he landed he bit everyone within reach.
Body World, created by a French artist and has traveled around the world over 4 times is being Investigated.  They have discovered that several of the bodies where from and purchased through Chinese prison’s, hmmmmm.

Religion
Why did Christian fundamentalist create cereal in 1863?  To promote a healthy life style free of sin.  They believed that people who ate meat, pork, and drank whiskey and coffee became constipated which was Gods will.  Also this diet created laziness, lust, and masturbation. So they came up with a vegetarian diet, “cereal”.  Cereal was aimed to clear conscience and bowels.  A great point of making cereal is it has a 50 % profit, HHHMMmmmmm  $$$$$$.

Pope Stephen VI accused a dead pope of perjury, he had his body dug up and dressed and put into a court room and cross – examined the dead pope “Pope Formosus” and ended up convicting him.  The people assassinated him him for being crazy.

Music
- Freddie Mercury could sing 4 octaves
- John Elton sang “Someone saved me tonight” after he was saved by friend while attempting suicide.

Definitions
Gung Ho – During WWII Gen Carlson heard Kung Ho from the Chinese military which means “work in harmony” and decided to use it.
Flea bag – 1830 military bed
Basket Case – A soldier who lost his arms and legs

Do you remember?
Pocket fisherman
Chia Pet, there’s even a President Obama Chia Head
Ginsu

Sports Superstitions
- John Henderson NFL had someone slap him in the face as hard as they could before each game
- Moises Alou MLB pissed on his hands to harden them
- Jason Terry NBA sleeps in the shorts of the other team the day before the game
- Bruce Gardiner NHL dipped his stick in the toilet before each game

Other
Swimming with flesh eating fish sounds scary unless you're talking about Kangul fish which eat only dead flesh and leaves the new cells the grow. I did this in Japan.

Pat Sajak was one of the original good morning Vietnam as jockeys. As a specialist in the US Army Sajak was sent overseas in 1968.

During Vietnam era between 1965 and 1973 a total of 1,728,344 men were drafted.

Real ways people dodged the draft, entering priesthood, say you steal too much, you farm in your family depends on you, I love this one your state congressmen.

1849 Edgar Allan Poe, was found unconscious on the streets outside Baltimore gunners call a bar and polling station on election day. He was beaten, drunk, and wearing another man's cloths. He was part of a voting scheme where he went from one polling station to another polling station  and acted as a different man. I think acorn society could have used him.

Typos in history, the Bible published in 1631 reads thou shalt commit adultery supporters forgot the all important not and they were executed. Congress, $2 billion typo, they accidentally sent out two different versions of the Medicare reimbursement bill the president signed the wrong one instead of 13 months he signed it for 39 months in 2006. In 1991 a single mistyped character in a line of computer code left 12 million people with out telephone service.

What does gargouille mean, they are all over Notre Dame, it is derived from the French meaning waterspout.

Japan, employers who hire illegal immigrants cant go to jail, hhhmmmmm they get fined if found guilty in America $250.00

From 1999 to 2003 fines collected from employees dropped from 3.6 million to $212,000

Well hell lets check Japan, Strict immigration policies, if your caught as an first time illegal alien you could be jailed up to three years, and fines up to $25,000.00 Oh Oh check this out same penalties apply to employers.

A chimpanzee monkey called Congo made three paintings and they sold for more than $28,000.00

2005 McDonalds campaign for the dollar meal with the slogan ID HIT IT, it didn’t last long, execs plead ignorance and said hitting it um is not normally what one does during dinner.

Worst 1st day on the job, a guy from Mizuho Securities in Tokyo intended on selling a sinlge share of stock for 610,000 yen, but instead sold 610,000 shares for one yen each less than a penny for a share, his first day at work he lost the company more than $340 million, I assume he was fired but their isn’t any documentation I could find.

British Prime Minister Margret Thatcher only slept for fours a night and claimed “sleep is for wimps”

Thomas Edison also slept for only 5 hours a night, he often said anyone who sleeps 8 hours a day is lazy,

Weapon, Reaper, can carry 5,000 pounds of bombs and can not be detected.  Stating in 2005 customs has been using them to watch the Mexican border and real soon they will be going to the Canadian border. 

X-47, this weapon is going to be off the hook, they are man less bombers that can swarm in on a enemy and talk with other X-47 at the same time so no one targets the same target.

Education 2006 stats,
Math; 1st Finland, 2nd korea, 6 Japan, 25 Untied States
Science; 1st Finland, 2nd Canada, 3rd Japan, 21 Untied States
Reading; 1st Finland, 2nd Korea, 3rd Canada, 15 Untied States
Drop out rates by race in the US, Asian 1.2 %, Black 16.7 %, White 39.3 %, Hispanic 41.3 %

Rice Krispies; had 4 members – Snap, Crackle, Pop, and Pow, Pow was fired.

China; 1990 privately owned cars 5,120, 2008 privately owned cars 3.1 million.   Height limit on dogs 14 inches, each family can only have 1 child and 1 dog.  2006 their was only 241 days the air standard met standards. 

China promises to control the weather during the Olympics, how?  By arming 32,000 peopole with more than 7,000 anti air-craft guns, and 5,000 rocket launchers.  They use a material to make water droplets in the clouds smaller so it doesn’t ran.  HHHmmmmm weather control.

Steven Spielberg wanted ET’s face to look both frivolous and sad, so he gave the graphic artist photos of

Ernest Hemingway, Carl Sandburg, and Albert Einstein.

Sweden, City called Helsingborg, uses the excess heat from crematoriums to heat over 10 percent of the cities homes, hmmm I wonder if it has a smell to it?

TV, Saturday Night Live SNL actors on their banned list
Milton Berle – exsposed himself backstage
Andy Kaufman – not being funny enough
Steven Seagal – annoyed cast members
Martin Lawrence – too vulgar
Sinead O’Conner – ripped up a picture of the pope
Chevy Chase – verbally abused cast members

Just when you think you are smart, “think again”
250 BCE Romans used lead in dishware, wine, sweetner, this lead the down fall
50 CE Romans used asbestos in clothing, building material
1527 CE Europe used Opium for pain killer, writers used it for writers block         
1920 CE America used radioactive radium in toothpaste, earplugs, soap, suppositories, and contraceptitives.  Then they used it in drinking water called Radithor
1971 CE executive DDT producer Robert Loibl and his wife says DDT is safe and proves it by eating it every morning for 3 months, then finds out it damages the nervous system over a period of time and produces cancer and neurological disorders.